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by BWaves



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alexithymia, Fake AH Crew, emotional issues, its called, kind of, like problems with expressing emotions, ray has problems expressing himself and ryan sees through his shit like a window
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-31
Updated: 2015-10-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BWaves/pseuds/BWaves
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“Sitting on the roof and joining you in your existential crisis seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago so I went with it.”</p>
            </blockquote>





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**Author's Note:**

> First AH fic pls go easy on me.

Genuine emotions tended to elude him. Acting, though, pretending that these emotions were there? Easy shit, it was easier to yell at obscene volumes over nothing in particular and laugh like an idiot when Gavin hit himself in the face for the fifth time that week than it was to try and explain that he really just didn’t feel it.

Actually, no, Ray wouldn’t go so far as to say he doesn’t feel these things, he just has a hard time expressing them properly without forcing himself. Even then, he gets a miss sometimes, laughs at the wrong joke or doesn’t laugh at all. Thankfully he doesn’t get called out. Ryan always covers him, always comes out with something like “Earth to Ray, come in Ray, the world needs your sarcasm and weed jokes” and that works.

Although now they think he’s an airhead or something.

Eh, whatever, it works.

Ryan seems to be the only one who can look him in the eye and know exactly what’s up without having to ask. And that’s probably why Ray gravitated toward him, that weird unspoken understanding bullshit that makes Ray actually feel something more than a dull buzz.

It never took Ryan more than ten minutes to decode his worse days, the days where he felt the least. He’d stay close on those days, if Ray got pulled into a conversation Ryan would always find a way to put himself in there too, like social backup to make sure Ray doesn’t give away that he could give less than half a shit about Gavin’s latest story or Geoff’s new heist idea.

It’s after one such tale from Geoff that Ryan finally questions something. And it’s an understandable question, it’s “Why did you join us if you don’t care?”

And initially Ray just shrugs, but it only takes a moment for something like irritation to dig under his skin and make him turn his almost offended look toward Ryan.

“I do care.”

“About what, exactly?”

Alright so he caught him there. But it’s not that Ray doesn’t care, he does he just. He can’t express it right. Something’s up with his head and he can’t express anything right so he just doesn’t. It’s easier than fucking it up.

It’s all just difficult to put into words, and he isn’t about to talk about it, so instead of talking about it, Ray leaves. Ryan stays behind and simply watches him go.

+++

Ray doesn’t see him again until Geoff makes them all get together so he can explain the plan and Ray notices that Ryan doesn’t even look at him and he isn’t sure why it feels bad but it does.

Things go smooth through the mission, Ray does as he’s told and there’s only one instance in which he has to snipe someone extra, but it’s no big. They get back to their home base and the pull gets split. They break apart and head to their own rooms, except Ryan heads for the couch instead, turning on some shitty late night tv.

Ray heads for his room initially, mostly to put his shit down and take a quick shower, but once that’s over with he heads out again. He slips past Ryan in the living room and heads for the roof. It’s some nice neutral territory that only he can get to. Okay, well, someone else might be able to get up there, but Ray has the advantage over the others that was a complete lack of a fear of heights, and the ‘magical fucking power’, according to Michael, that he doesn’t have any qualms with climbing out the window and using the small ledges provided to climb up there.

He knows there’s a stairwell up there, but he likes his way better. People are less motivated to follow him when he goes this way.

He picks a corner, takes a seat and watches the cars drive through Los Santos beneath him. He can see so far from up here.

As cliche as it is, everything seems small. Los Santos doesn’t care that his friends all probably think he’s heartless. Los Santos doesn’t think he’s heartless.

Ray sighs, pinches the bridge of his nose and leans forward a bit. He needs to stop using that word. No one uses it but him. He lets his face go and looks down at the ground stories below, humming a bit. He likes seeing how small everyone is down there. They all have their own lives and their own friends and problems. They don’t know him. He doesn’t know them. They wouldn’t pick up on his problem. Unlike Ryan. Fucking Ryan… Stupid, observant, knows his shit Ryan.

The door behind Ray creaks at an ungodly volume when it opens and the young man turns to see it is none other than the devil himself. He almost frowns at that, but it’s barely a twitch, his face remains passive otherwise.

“What do you want?”

The answer is a shrug. Ryan closes the door and makes his way over, picking a side and sitting down, one foot hanging off the ledge while his other leg stays up, tucked under the other. “Sitting on the roof and joining you in your existential crisis seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago so I went with it.” He nods, and Ray just side-eyes him.

“You are so full of shit.” He mumbles.

“I am.”

“Why are you here?”

“See that’s the real question, why are we here? I’ve never been a religious man myself but I like to think there’s a deeper-”

“Oh my god shut up!”

Ryan laughs and Ray rolls his eyes, “Jesus, Ryan seriously why the fuck are you up here?”

The guy shrugs, his foot swings a bit and he doesn’t answer right away. Right as Ray’s turning away again Ryan says “Just making sure you’re okay.”

Ray snorts, “Yeah, just fucking peachy, thanks.”

“That’s good.” Ryan says and Ray finds himself wondering if that had come off nearly as sarcastic as he had meant for it to. Knowing himself, though he’s sure it didn’t.

“That was supposed to be sarcastic.” He figures better safe than sorry, right? Might as well make sure to correct.

“I know.”

“Well, either way, I’m fine you can just go, alright?”

“Alright.” And he stands up, just like that, Ray watches him get up and just leave, like it’s that fucking easy. The young man blinks, his mouth flaps once before he clenches his jaw, rolling his eyes again and looking back out among the lights. Whatever. Doesn’t matter. He’s fine.

+++

Things are not going nearly as smooth tonight. Gavin’s gone radio silent, no one’s heard a word from him for the past twenty minutes, Geoff sounds like he’s panicking, there’s a lot going wrong and he’s worried. It has to be worry, it can’t be anything else. Maybe it’s some combination, worry, fear, actually fear’s probably not right, terror? Maybe?

The long and short of it is that nothing is going as planned and all he feels is bad, it’s all very bad.

Ray has abandoned his position on the hill to hide on the other side. He found a building to duck behind and sirens wail through the streets as he waits for something to clear up, something needs to happen. He figures his best bet at this point is to aim for the meeting spot, and he stays low as he ducks around the building, keeping an eye and ear out for the cops.

He gets his bike, starts it and takes off with a puff of dirt behind him, double checking street signs as he drives. He manages to evade the cops (barely) and gets to the shore where Jack is already waiting with the boat.

He climbs on, takes a seat and watches, Jack starts talking about something or another, but Ray’s attention is glued to the shore, watching for any of the others. Geoff pulls up after a moment and drags an unconscious Michael out of the car with him, they both get on and Geoff tells Jack to go.

“What about Ryan and Gavin?” Jack questions, watching the bright flash of sirens in the distance.

“I said go.”

“We can’t just leave them,” Ray says, and only gets a harsh look for his efforts.

Geoff huffs and points to Jack, “You, drive the boat,” his finger turns to Ray next, “You, make sure we don’t lose him.” He points to Michael and Ray nods, grumbles a ‘yessir’ and grabs Michael’s arm, tugging him close so Ray can put a leg over his chest as Jack revs up the boat and they start moving.

They go out far, Ray’s eyes are locked on the city as it gets smaller in the distance and he just wonders where Ryan and Gavin are. Are they dead? They just get caught? Are they fine somewhere hiding?

It takes time, but eventually the city goes quiet. Michael has woken up and he’s watching with Ray.

Geoff tells Jack to head back, and they’re moving again.

The trip back home is quiet, because despite Geoff boasting about how much they got away with, they’re all thinking about their missing companions, and Ray’s eyes are locked out the window, watching in case he sees one of them.

They get to the building and go inside, Ray opts to stay downstairs and watch. If they come back they can’t be locked out, right? So Ray stays down stairs, just in case.

He heads inside around four in the morning and goes for the living room, sets up a game and plays it with the volume low.

His stomach is twisted up and he can’t find it in himself to really focus on the game. He thinks he’s worried again. That seems like the right word. Worried.

An hour later he thinks he should pick a different word, because he isn’t sure he’s worried.

Denial sounds better.

It’s almost eight when Ray hears anything and it’s just Jack coming out of his room. Ray doesn’t give him much mind, he just keeps staring at the tv screen, waiting for anything else. Jack says good morning and Ray grunts in return, a silence falls over them and then Jack seems to get the message, heading back to his room.

Geoff is skulking about a while later, but he’s only around long enough to get coffee and tell Ray “You know your game is paused right?” before disappearing again.

It’s past noon when the front door slams open and two figures stumble through it. Okay, no, only one stumbles, Gavin is hanging off of Ryan’s back and making the gent do all the work.

Ray’s on his feet in an instant, exclaiming a loud “Hey!” because he figures it’ll get the attention of the other’s faster than yelling ‘holy shit they made it out alive’. He crosses to where they are and for some reason his first instinct is to punch Ryan as hard as he can right in the chest.

Naturally the series of events that follow has Gavin falling, hitting the floor with a loud yelp, that will definitely get attention if Ray yelling hadn’t.

Michael seems to materialize out of fucking nowhere beside Ray and he skips Ryan to gather Gavin’s dumb ass off the floor. Ray catches a “Holy shit don’t scare me like that, boy.” from Michael as he drags Gavin away, and the brit just seems to laugh at it.

Meanwhile Ray is having a one-sided, super intense glaring contest with Ryan who seems entirely unfazed by his pissed off expression.

Ray realizes that it might be because he doesn’t look pissed off at all but, well, fuck Ryan, he is so pissed.

“What the fuck happened!?”

Now is about the time Geoff and Jack show up, but Ray never hears them approach, like they’ve spotted a fight and opted to keep their noses out of it.

“Not much, some things blew up, we got shot at, Gavin passed out.” Ray hates how calm he sounds when he says it, too. He nearly punches him again, but for the sake of Ryan’s sternum he just shakes his fists in his face and turns around.

They’re alive, so they’re fucking fine, no need to freak out anymore, he can finally stop worrying about them and pay attention to his own shit.

But he doesn’t. He sits on the couch and listens while Jack patches them up and Gavin regales everyone with the tale of how, exactly, they made it out alive, and Ryan fills in the gaps that Gavin doesn’t remember.

Ray listens as everything seems to shift back into normalcy, he beats a couple levels on his game, Ryan comes over to watch over his shoulder as he plays.

He only hangs around for a minute before he turns to leave and Ray watches him.

He takes a couple of deep breaths, and clears his throat loud enough for Ryan to stop. He had a lot of time to think last night.

“It’s you guys.” Perfectly vague, almost cliche in its vagueness.

“Oh yeah?”

“I… Y’know care about you guys and shit.”

Ryan seems to understand, he nods, but he doesn’t bother to turn and look at Ray when he says “I know,” and then keeps walking until he closes the door to his room.

Ray watches the door for a moment before shaking his head, and returning his attention to his game. At least now he can focus on it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments much appreciated, like srsly, lemme know how I did or if I should never dabble in this world ever again.


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